Memoirs Discussion

[ladyjanegrey]

"Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
Heeheehee!

Well, maybe not. But at least it is a start. And prowling around the country-side with Akagane, you can probably learn alot of useful skills that would be helpful in the future. Not to mention all about the country-side! Maybe you can consult the trees. Bokusenou seemed to be able to supply useful information. You might turn out to be useful yet!

[Inu-papa]

Apr 15, 2009 19:32:22 GMT -5 ladyjanegrey said:

You might turn out to be useful yet!

Hey, are you calling me useless? ;_; I'll have you know I'm totally going to save the day at the end of this arc. I'm the hero after all, right?

[Inu-papa]

Here's another character design profile, for the third member of the Salvation Army trio. Yeah, he only lasted ten chapters, but his efforts have had lasting implications on the story. Plus who doesn't go for a little rascal with big bat ears? Just... don't ask about the pose. I don't know.



Also, I've realized that to those uninitiated with Japanese phonetics, "Yachouon" may look like an intimidating mass of vowels. I don't know how people have been pronouncing the name in their minds, but this word is pronounced "yah", "cho" like in "chosen", and then "on" like in "only".

[hanyounomiko]

OH man. Oh man. This is a really bad idea. REALLY bad. This absolutely cannot end well.

I feel like the results of this decision with the jewel are going to be a total trainwreck; horrifying, and yet you still can't look away.

[Inu-papa]

Apr 21, 2009 21:38:08 GMT -5 hanyounomiko said:

OH man. Oh man. This is a really bad idea. REALLY bad. This absolutely cannot end well.

I feel like the results of this decision with the jewel are going to be a total trainwreck; horrifying, and yet you still can't look away.

Well, I can assure you that it will eventually end well. Just... after the trainwreck. Where the train was carrying 50 boxcars of TNT. And crashed into a nuclear warhead. In the middle of a minefield.

Yes, using the jewel here is the epitome of bad ideas. But I'm a naiive kid and he's a heartbroken guy at the end of his rope.

We must be punished.

(honestly, sometimes I worry I torture the characters a bit TOO much, even though they'll eventually get rewarded for their efforts. There comes a time when I have to wonder how much emotional trauma I can reasonably expect these people to be able to bounce back from)

[ladyjanegrey]

Hoooee! Out of left field!

Actually, I didn't think it was such a bad idea. When it comes down to it, any wish might be considered a "selfish" wish, even if just making some one happy makes you feel good. Of course, the real problem is what kind of wish to make. Making sure that it would come out right; the wording of that sort of thing is a killer! ;D

"A hunting we will go! A hunting we will go.............."

[hanyounomiko]

Apr 22, 2009 19:11:07 GMT -5 ladyjanegrey said:

Actually, I didn't think it was such a bad idea. When it comes down to it, any wish might be considered a "selfish" wish, even if just making some one happy makes you feel good.

Yes. Exactly. That's exactly the problem. Using the jewel is NEVER EVER EVER a good idea D: The jewel is like the Monkey's Paw; it'll just twist your intentions and turn them into a total nightmare. It'd never actually give you what you wanted.

Remember kids; there is no safe way to use Shikon Jewel. Just Say No.

[Inu-papa]

Apr 22, 2009 19:41:44 GMT -5 hanyounomiko said:

Apr 22, 2009 19:11:07 GMT -5 ladyjanegrey said:

Actually, I didn't think it was such a bad idea. When it comes down to it, any wish might be considered a "selfish" wish, even if just making some one happy makes you feel good.

Yes. Exactly. That's exactly the problem. Using the jewel is NEVER EVER EVER a good idea D: The jewel is like the Monkey's Paw; it'll just twist your intentions and turn them into a total nightmare. It'd never actually give you what you wanted.

Remember kids; there is no safe way to use Shikon Jewel. Just Say No.

Yes, but how are we supposed to learn that without a bit of trial and error? Just kinda happens to be one hell of an error.

[hanyounomiko]

Damn. If only the Heian period had campy, ineffectual PSA's this all could've been avoided!

[Inu-papa]

I had a bit of a discussion last night and got to wondering what people feel about the light/serious balance of the story so far. I definitely don't want this to become some sort of emo piece, and it's going to be headed into a lot of heavy stuff shortly.

I intended this to certainly be more than just a fluff piece of fanfiction and have its own morals and themes running throughout, but at times I wonder if I get a tad too philosophical. Discussions about when it's okay to kill and why have come up numerous times, and I don't really ever intend to provide a solid answer to that, as I intend this more to be a reflection of how I personally dealt with things rather than a preachy "this is the right way" sort of thing. The same thing goes for the current dilemma Akagane faces, in which he basically has to abandon one person he cares about, and my hope for it was for it to truly be a decision with no easily justifiable answer one way or the other, and to leave the readers to determine for themselves whether they approve of how it's being handled.

And while it's necessary for all the characters to be flawed and occasionally make bad choices, on the other side of that, since this is a narrative and I'm the "hero", from a storytelling standpoint it seems like I should have a solid standing in at least one aspect that makes me "right". So far I guess it could be "loyalty", since I've stood by pretty much everyone I've encountered regardless of how they've treated me.

Meh, this is more of just a ramble into the more intricate areas of writing that I never really consciously think about when actually formulating the story. But feedback would be appreciated so I know what sorts of styles and themes I should be using in the future.

[puppykinns]

Well, while there is the question of "How much abuse can the characters take before they would realistically just give up?" that can be answered by the fact that there wouldn't be much of an interesting story if the main character just gave up and spent 5 chapters feeling sorry for himself until something happened to change that. And while there's been a lot of strife in the story it, to me at least, leands itself to a kind of....'coming of age' feel.

While I haven't been paying much of a mind to themes in the story, I do enjoy the aforementioned theme of loyalty; though I would really call it a theme of 'shameless' loyalty just to be more specific.
.
.
.
Crap...I lost my train of thought due to poorly timed texts.
Well damn, the only point I remember I was leading up to was that I like your current theme, and it think it can be strong enough to hold its own, but eventually other themes should come out as they are needed. I'd say it would be good to maybe add one in when ever a notable change in your character has occurred. For instance, it wouldn't be a bad thing by any means for lil'-papa to stay hopeful and positive, but eventually he would become a bit more cautious around people after they've wronged him so many times. Basically, if you have him grow up in a believable manner, new themes will eventually arise as he hits the key moments in his life.

Right now actually the only that's perplexing me a bit is this idea that Lil-Papa would think its a good idea to use the jewel on a wish when he just had a big reminder as to why you SHOULDN'T use the jewel, let alone the fact that Akagane, who was so adamant before about not using the jewel, thinks that its a good idea as well. I suppose I could give you that one and chalk it up to his sudden blow to the heart and your desire to help but...its pushing the limits for me. You seem to strive for order and plausibility with in the story and while I do expect you to go through hard times, because there isn't a person in the world who hasn't as well as the fact that part of a memoir is to tell the reader what happened to make you are the way you are, to suddenly push them into a pile of messy "Holy Crap Bad Stuff!" seems a little...over bored.

Iiiiiiii have NO idea if that makes sense because its late and I'm tired, or if this even really helps at all...it doesn't seem like I actually responded with anything you wanted to know actually...but I'll post it anyway just in case I did and I'm too half asleep to realize it ^^;

[Inu-papa]

Apr 25, 2009 23:26:52 GMT -5 puppykinns said:

Well, while there is the question of "How much abuse can the characters take before they would realistically just give up?" that can be answered by the fact that there wouldn't be much of an interesting story if the main character just gave up and spent 5 chapters feeling sorry for himself until something happened to change that. And while there's been a lot of strife in the story it, to me at least, leands itself to a kind of....'coming of age' feel.

I know, though, that if my characterization is effective that readers will be able to feel with/for the characters, and if I torture them too much at once it might end up becoming too hard for the readers to endure. That's why I'm having to think things through extra hard with the next chapter, because with the emotional blow dealt in the last one, I don't know if I want to immediately follow that up with an even worse one with no reprieve in between. Because, as you said, it starts to push the limit of how much they can be expected to take before breaking.

Crap...I lost my train of thought due to poorly timed texts.
Well damn, the only point I remember I was leading up to was that I like your current theme, and it think it can be strong enough to hold its own, but eventually other themes should come out as they are needed. I'd say it would be good to maybe add one in when ever a notable change in your character has occurred. For instance, it wouldn't be a bad thing by any means for lil'-papa to stay hopeful and positive, but eventually he would become a bit more cautious around people after they've wronged him so many times. Basically, if you have him grow up in a believable manner, new themes will eventually arise as he hits the key moments in his life.

There will definitely be some "growing up", especially when I finally get around to the mother thing. Though as of right now, I'm such an adoreable little kid, do you really want me to?

Right now actually the only that's perplexing me a bit is this idea that Lil-Papa would think its a good idea to use the jewel on a wish when he just had a big reminder as to why you SHOULDN'T use the jewel, let alone the fact that Akagane, who was so adamant before about not using the jewel, thinks that its a good idea as well. I suppose I could give you that one and chalk it up to his sudden blow to the heart and your desire to help but...its pushing the limits for me. You seem to strive for order and plausibility with in the story and while I do expect you to go through hard times, because there isn't a person in the world who hasn't as well as the fact that part of a memoir is to tell the reader what happened to make you are the way you are, to suddenly push them into a pile of messy "Holy Crap Bad Stuff!" seems a little...over bored.

I hear you. Even while writing the chapter I was thinking the fact that we'd even consider it to be a tad on the implausible side, and as I got around to planning out the next chapter, it just became more and more like a really forced plot device put there solely to get a certain resolution. Although I do have canon to back me up, like the last episode of the anime where Inuyasha used the jewel shard on Tessaiga in desperation and got all corrupted, it was kind of a round of "Well, what did you THINK would happen?". However, I think I've come up with an alternate way to get where I need to go that's more believable and doesn't involve everyone having a sudden bout of OOC to get there.

[puppykinns]

" Thankfully, reality caught up with us about five seconds later, before we had the chance to do any damage with our emotion-induced wishful thinking. "

THANK YOU! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I would hug you but I know you can get a little "eeeehhhhhhh..." about hugs so...^^; I won't.

Either way! Good chapter! It was a good balance of uplifting things and "bad stuff". ("Bad stuff" comes from action-adventure card games in which you face a monster, and on the monster card will be its name, a little description, any bonuses it maybe gets, its level and any bad stuff that'll happen if you don't beat it, like death or something. Just thought that might explain things :3 ) I'm exceptionally curious to know what would have happened if she'd gotten your soul the first time she attacked you. I'm assuming that at this moment the jewel is speaking through her rather than say...the broken fragment of her soul (which I'm thinking would be pretty vengeful)?.

That wasn't a question I want answered really, more just a musing. Its the beginning of more "oh crap shit's going down!" stuff in the story line, so I don't have too many critiques because I'm paying attention to the story and seeing what happens.

OH UM BAI THA WAI!

The part where you got up in Akagane's face? CUTE ^^!

[Inu-papa]

Apr 30, 2009 12:00:32 GMT -5 puppykinns said:

" Thankfully, reality caught up with us about five seconds later, before we had the chance to do any damage with our emotion-induced wishful thinking. "

THANK YOU! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I would hug you but I know you can get a little "eeeehhhhhhh..." about hugs so...^^; I won't.

Oh, it's fine. ^_^* I can take a hug.

This was one of those times where I really retroactively regretted where I was taking the story so had to kind of set up a patch-fix to send it a different direction. Because, yeah, the "wish" aspect was just way, way too unbelievable given everyone's prior experience.

Either way! Good chapter! It was a good balance of uplifting things and "bad stuff". ("Bad stuff" comes from action-adventure card games in which you face a monster, and on the monster card will be its name, a little description, any bonuses it maybe gets, its level and any bad stuff that'll happen if you don't beat it, like death or something. Just thought that might explain things :3 ) I'm exceptionally curious to know what would have happened if she'd gotten your soul the first time she attacked you. I'm assuming that at this moment the jewel is speaking through her rather than say...the broken fragment of her soul (which I'm thinking would be pretty vengeful)?.

The jewel is doing all the talking and acting here, yeah. The fragment of soul inside Kogane is so miniscule that from the jewel's standpoint it's like it's not even there, which is why this posession is going to be a lot harder to break than Eika's, because the jewel doesn't have to expend energy competing with a "resident" soul.

That wasn't a question I want answered really, more just a musing. Its the beginning of more "oh crap shit's going down!" stuff in the story line, so I don't have too many critiques because I'm paying attention to the story and seeing what happens.

I was actually afraid some of this chapter seemed way too forced. I had a hell of a time writing this one, and it ended up taking me three or four days to finish. I suck at romance really badly, so with the fluff scene I'd, like, write a paragraph, then sit there for an hour staring at it wondering what should come next, so I'm afraid that it sounds really disjointed because of that. Then there's also the aforementioned patch-fix on the plot about the wish since I realized I didn't want to take that route, but for the posession to take place, there still needed to be me + jewel + Kogane in a scene somewhere, so without the wish aspect I had to BS a reason for me to be in the room (not to mention the fact that I couldn't recount the fluff scene if I wasn't there to see it).

The part where you got up in Akagane's face? CUTE ^^!

XD Yeah, I almost feel like I should draw a secondary chapter image for that, since it is cute that I get to lecture him. Sometimes the cut-and-dry logic of a little kid is just what an angsting pretty-boy needs.

[Inu-papa]

Apr 30, 2009 13:28:54 GMT -5 Inu-papa said:

The part where you got up in Akagane's face? CUTE ^^!

XD Yeah, I almost feel like I should draw a secondary chapter image for that, since it is cute that I get to lecture him.

Dammit, you hit me with the doodle bug.



I may actually end up coloring this and using it as a second chapter image, but the tip of his sword extends kind of annoyingly far back and a squared-off image would leave this big blank spot behind him. I don't usually like cropping off pieces of chapter images, but if I want to use this one, looks like he's gonna have to get his tip snipped.